Panic Cord

I’m always at the wrong time and place.

Either he’s taken or not interested. And even if he is or isn’t, I have no way of telling. I can’t tell. I like everyone equally. All the people I’m close to, I like every one of them. I’m committed to everyone and at the same time committed to no one. I’m hopeless and fickle with anything that involves feelings.

But it’s strange. This time, I unexpectedly found someone by making the first move in communication.

We’re distances away but I found him. And this time I don’t want to let go.

I searched and searched deeper. I found something there. We felt the same.

I’m interested in him and he’s interested in me. It may just be a silly little infatuation between the both of us, between his loneliness and mines. As much as I tried to deny any interest he has in me, I couldn’t. We could just be good friends. I always restrained myself but continued loving and caring always. But this time it’s pretty straight-forward and blunt without words.

It’s not a hypothesis. It’s not a theory. I’m his crush, and he’s my crush.

We’re attracted to each other. We enjoy each other’s presence even when we’re not physically next to each other.

But why should I keep pursuing when I know it will go nowhere? Why do I continue pursuing? And why do you continue to smother me with your flowery language and little antics? Why do I do the same? I hold myself back every time I want to respond to your playfulness with mines. I restrain myself when I want to best your teases with greater ones. But when it reaches a taboo spot, I hold back. We know that you’re not single, and we know that I am.

It kills me. I’m stubborn, and I don’t want to let go. You’re stubborn, and you don’t want to let go of what you have either.

I didn’t see this coming. I won’t know what will happen in the future. Luck was never on my side. I don’t deserve any either.

‘Fate’ will take its course. The supernatural forces behind unnatural occurrences will have its way.

… . .

Even if I can’t have you and you can’t have me, we can still enjoy each other’s company.

Keep in touch. I want to see you again.

Soon.

  • 150 Plays
  • Chrono Trigger DJ OMKT & MJ

(via baccibloo)

Source: chrystofax

The earth would continue its monotonous rotations, politicians would continue issuing unreliable proclamations, people would continue yawning on their way to the office, children would continue studying for their college entrance exams. Amid the endless surge and ebb of everyday life, interest in a missing elephant would not last forever

The Elephant Vanishes

Haruki Murakami

(via wonderland-fantasies)

No matter how dim it gets wherever i am

frankocean:

I never quit working. I work in the dark cause work is light. I tell my work all my problems because it never gives answers i have already. It never edits without me. Doesn’t call me names. I give my work away, because it doesn’t cost me much. In fact i’m indebted. I work hard since life is hard. Death is a soft place, it can wait. But work ain’t love. And love ain’t work. For sure.

  • 370 Plays
  • UndergroundNecro

hiphopfightsback:

Necro - Underground (Instrumental)

This is my all time favorite instrumental to freestyle to. If you’ve never heard of Necro before, all you need to know is he’s the filthiest and most violent hip-hop artist I know of, at least for how famous he is for it. He’s also made beats for everyone from Wu-Tang to Cage. One of my other favorite Necro instrumentals to freestyle too is Agent Orange by Cage. Essentially what I’m saying is he’s probably my favorite producer to freestyle too. It has that raw repetition at just the right speed.

Can It Be All So Simple

This is the first time I’ve ever listened to the whole Wu-Tang Clan album: Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers). It’s the first time I willingly listened to it. I’ve never listened to Wu-Tang. I always had this perception that it was only hardcore rap and dark shit. But curiosity had me as to why they called themselves Wu-Tang Clan. I was given the Supreme Mathematics packet earlier this year but I never finished reading it. At the airport, I decided to re-read what I’ve read and finally finished it. At its conclusion, I was nothing less of enlightenment. I regret not having discovered Wu-Tang sooner but it wasn’t too late. It’s not too late to discover hip-hop. It’s not too late to discover Wu-Tang. And it’s not too late to discover myself.

I’m turning 21 in a week.


Yet I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. I found myself wanting too much, looking into too much, and discovering nonstop. I started spazzing out yesterday because I couldn’t imagine myself anywhere.

I stopped pursing my law school dreams and stopped wanting to be a lawyer. But, the little things I discover in life and the people I meet make me question myself. The little instances and experiences throughout this year aren’t just coincidences. I’m starting to think that even though I’m no longer after it, I actually fit right in it. Somehow, I feel as if I should be in law school, that I should have a law education. And even if I don’t want to be a lawyer, a law education wouldn’t be wasted. It’ll put me somewhere and it’ll help me earn a decent living. Just enough for me to support my lifestyle and to really go after my interests.

It feels right.

All I regret is the time I stopped wanting it. Because with that time, I could have used it for studying and much thinking.

I’ll be doing that this summer. Studying and educating myself up there. Finally. I’ve procrastinated for the last two years.

It’s time to move on.

But, time is the least of my worries. Who says we have to graduate in 4 years? Who says we need to find a job or go for grad school right after it? It’s the standard, or so they say. But I’m setting my own standards and time limits. If I truly want to find a career and spot right for me, then I better take it slow and not rush.

I’ve been told I look 15 years old anyways.

Stress, pressure, unhappiness, anxiety. None of that’s worth it. A clear  and empty mind is needed to make the right choices and right mistakes.

It’s never too late to discover. It’s never too late to learn. It’s never too late to understand. Just make time for it because you have plenty. What and who are you racing against?

Only yourself.

  • 2 Plays
  • Ghosts In The Machine [SIDE A]Ljones

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